If Only...

If only I could turn back the hands of time... If only we could start things over again... If I could go back, I would change so much. If things did change, would we be apart now? Or would we still be as one? What we had was amazing... If only we could be like that again. I've learned so much from what happened, so I don't regret it, however I want to apply my knew knowledge and understanding into what we had, and start anew. If I offered to do so, would you agree? Or would you turn me down?
I miss so many things. I miss your smile; I miss your laugh; I miss your touch; I miss your scent; I miss your cute accent; I miss having someone to love me; I miss not being alone; I miss the pebbles or snowballs being thrown at my window; I miss waking up at 4 am just to see you; I miss being with your family; I miss the knowing of what's going on in your life, and not having to endure the painful pondering; I miss the great excitement I use to get when I would see your number calling my phone; I miss holding your hand; I miss playing footsies with you; I miss our usual walks; I miss being proud of your intellect; I miss being called "Ti"; Sadly, I must admit that... I miss you...
I want to talk to you about this, however, you never show how you truly feel, and I'm afraid that you will laugh at the fact that I still, in a way, want to be with you. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't want to suddenly jump back into a relationship. I want to start over again because even though we are now at least on talking terms, it just doesn't feel right. It feels as if there is a wall in between us, a wall that I can neither climb over nor break down.
I hate admitting these feelings because it means that you have won, however I can't help but to acknowledge that they are indeed there. Please, please, please don't look to deeply into this, or into anything I say. There's no hidden meaning, or catch. I mean what I say.
I want to know how you feel about this, truly, but for some reason I can't get you to bluntly state your thoughts.

Uuuuhhhhhhh.... Dang it, writer's block! Why do you love me so?!